


Funky Town

by CunnusImperitus



Series: Joke Writing Prompts [1]
Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: LITERALLY, M/M, NOT SEX BUT ALMOST, Not Serious, OOC, eating ass, for a contest, its a joke, its just bad, very bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:06:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25541053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CunnusImperitus/pseuds/CunnusImperitus
Summary: "Always..."A Shit-Fiction for a bad writing contest. There's just... reader beware, other fictions in this contest are NSFW so uh yeah 18+ please
Relationships: Engineer/Soldier (Team Fortress 2)
Series: Joke Writing Prompts [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1850743
Comments: 3
Kudos: 5
Collections: Funky Town: A TF2 Soldier/Engineer NSFW Parody Contest





	Funky Town

The day started with the RED Engineer do up on the bridge. The RED Engineer was able to set up a level three defensive sentry turret up to shoot the BLU Scout who was on the run running on the bridge over the top with the intelligence. The RED Team was etntrusted to secure that intelligence in teh basemnent of the RED Fortress of the 2Fort but the BLU Scout stole it. 

“Wow, that sure is a gun.” RED Engineer explained. 

“Súrē is,”said the BLU Spy uncloaking from being invisible behind the RED Engineer, holding a knife up to his back.

Engineer turned around quickly and yelled expecting to feel the cold blade pierce his ribcage but was met by an exploding of blood and meat parts of the body all over him face and clothes.

“SCREAMING EGALS!” the RED Soldier falls and lands on the blood remains of the BLU Spy. “You are saved Engineer.”

“Thanks, pardner,” The Engineer feels the blood on his face as well as the blood in his body rising to his cheeks. He is glad the Soldier can not see his blushing face under hte BLU Spy guts all over him.

“Any time, just let me know.” Soldier gives Engineer a thumbs up before tilting his head sideways to observer Engineer more closely. Suddenly Soldier puts his thumb into his own mouth licking it slopply then brings it to Engineers face to rub the blood away.

“Ah~ S-Sally, water you~” Engine ears puts his hands up in surrender and his knees go haha BRRRRR~

“Just cleaning you up, cupcakes.” Soldiers thumb manages to wipe the gore more onto his face and all over it, then Soldiers thumb starts to push its way into Engineers mouth.

“S-Soldier! St-ah~!” Soldiers thumb presses into Engineers mouth adn presses his tongue.

“Gross, but you like it bitch.” Soldier pulls the thumb from Engineers mouth and puts it back in his own. “Oh, yum!” Engineer lets out a shut breath as Soldier licks his thumb clean. “Haha, you slut, you like teh taste of c-” Soldier doesnt get to finish his sentence before BLU sticky bombs send them both back to respawn.

They Respwn in different locations and continue their jobs giving eachother side face glances through the day while engineer tries to forget how hot soldier made him feel…

\---

After work is done the teams return to their bases. 

,,¡pɐǝp ʇuǝʍ s,∩˥q ǝɥ┴ ¡ʎɹʇuǝS ʇɐɥʇ ɥʇᴉʍ ɹǝǝuᴉƃuƎ ǝɹǝɥʇ ʇno ʞɹoʍ ǝuᴉɟ ǝɯos 'sǝʇɐɯ qoɾ pooפ,, The RED Sniper congratulated after a RED Victory. 

“Ah, it was nuthin’” Engineer blushes. 

Soldier looks to him and smirks before saying “Hmmm I’m hungry and I’m going to go eat something. See you later,” then walks away.

,,¡ɐʎ ǝǝS,, Sniper waves him off although Engineer felt like the statement was more directed towards him than the team in general.

Engineer yawns stretching his arms and neck up from his body big. “I think im going to strike the hay fellas, goodnight YALL.” 

Engineer decises to go to the mess hall before heading to his room but doesnt see anyone there but the Scout snacking on an apple. Engineer also grabs a apple and takes a big bite. It tastes mushed and gross.

“Ew, that’s bad.” He spit the apple into the garbage.

“A APPLE in a day prevents the DOCTOR!” Scout claims before taking another large chomp of his own apple. 

“Is that correct? Well I’m sure these apples would halt most people.” He looks to the gross fruit on the table again noticing most food has not been touched. “Hey Scout, has the Soldier come through the kitchen?”

Scout looks around, “NAH! Have not seen him.” Engineer is confusion.

“Hmm, strange, he said he was hungry.” he pauses, considering bringing a snack to Soldier’s room for him. Maybe Soldier had food in his room? Odd. Soldiers favorite snack, the potato chip, is untouched in its bag. There is only 1 bag left. “Guess I’ll bring this to him before it gone.” Engineer gives Scout a wave goodbye and goes to Soldiers room.

Engineer knocks on Soldiers door but doesn’t get a response. “Solly? You are in there?” Engineer opens the door slowly and sees a dark room. Soldier is not there? Where could is he? “Hmm…” Engineer shrug and go back to his own room on the other end of the base by the workshop. Almost there he notice light coming from under his door, he sure he turned it off? Engineer lets himeslef into the room caution. On his bed, Soldier sits in nothing but his helmet and American Flag boxer shorts. 

“So you’ve finally arriv-” Soldier starts to speak before Engie cuts him off.

“What the hell are you wearing?” Engie snaps.

Soldier stands up fast, “It’s my Ass Eating outfit, bitch.”

“W-wha?” Engineer is frozen in the doorway with the bag of chips, knees are going CHKCHKCHKCHK. Soldier strides to Engie, pulls him inside and slams the door closes before dragging the mechanic onto the bed. Soldier traps Engineer under his form holding his arms extended on either side of Engineers head keeping him in place. The bag of chips crinkles and Engineer is blushing crazily. “I thought yous said you were hungry so I tried to bring you a snack…” Engineer feels so heat with Soldier on top him. 

“I am hungry,” Soldier replies, taking the chips from between them and placing them on the nightstand before leaning into engineers ear and whispering sultry, “but I will eat you.” Soldier then licks at Engineers throat.

Engineer feel like he would shot right there. “E-eat me?” Engineer feels Soldier grin into his neck and Engine body has shutters, “ah-Aight then.”

“Oh, yes, my good little bitch.” Soldier growls into the ear before sitting up and grabbing Engie by the hips flipping him onto his stomach. Once on the stomach Soldier lifts Enineers ass up so he is on his knees and pulls down his pants exposing his. Engineer yelps and Soldier giggles. Soldier leans over Engineers back planting one arm on the bed near engines head while palming engines ass with the other. 

“You are gonna taste so good slut, maybe I’ll let you have a bite of me after if there’s anything left of you, only if you’re my good bitch. Maybe I’ll even let you shot~” Engineer moans at soldiers dirty language thinking about maybe a 69 but its kinda boring. Soldier then stops slapping ass and reaches around to Engineers cock and gives it a tug. 

“Oh, big.” Soldier tugs some more.

“Heck yeah~” Engineer moans as Soldier tugs but whines when he stop.

“You’re probably sweeter when you not shot yet.” Soldier speak into engineers neck before licking all the way from Engineers neck to his hole and give it a lick.

“Ah-ah SOldier FUCK!” Engineer shout.

“Calm down slut, I’m just starting.” Solly licks his hole again, grabbing engineers cheeks with both hands now. Engineer starts to moan and pant as Soldiers tongue goes in his hole, then too soon Solly stops. 

Breathless, engineer ask “Why stop?”  
Soldier laughs an evil laugh before squeezing Engineers ass cheeks again.

“I knew it,” he says before Soldier suddenly sinks his teeth into engineers cheek taking a huge bite. Engineer screams and over loads his shot into the sheets right there gripping to his pillow for dear life. Soldier takes a few more bites of the writhing engineer before pulling away and leaning over the panting sweating Engineer once again. 

Soldiers lips are covered in pound cake with buttercream frosting. “It was cake the whole time?”

Engineer lifts a gun to Soldiers temple. “Always has been.”

\---  
POST:

Engineer cleans himself up after sending soldier to respawn. He patches himself with ramen before he take a potato chip… and eat it!


End file.
